New Beginning

When you find yourself

Crying for no other reason

Just remembering that

The worst has passed and still

HE remains with you

Never letting you go.

You feel a certain joy

While tears begins to flow

The past seems to forget itself

And wound seems to heal

Broken heart replaced a new

And a new life begins.

Journey towards Self-Realization

We are the summation of our past experiences and the product of our hopes and desires.

Life is like playing a board game. All of us wants to get to the finish line. Sometimes we play snake and ladder game, bitten by situations of bad luck causing us to move backward or inspired by ladders of success allowing us to elevate higher and nearer to our goals. Sometimes however we play a millionaires' game, monopoly. We just roll our dice and just buy anything we want, roll a dice and get to the finish line and roll the dice once more and defeat all the people whom we see as obstruction to our path. I guess like board games, we win at times and we lose most of the times. However somehow we get tired of playing but we can't end this game of life. We are bound to wake up each day and rush to work and kiss someone else ass. We are bound to make money and make more and more money. We are not allowed to get sick but somehow sickness is good for it gives us an excuse to stop, pause for awhile and take care of ourselves. This is the same with every defeat or failures in life. It allows us to reflect what we have done so that we can move   ahead faster and with greater vigor.

When I was younger I used to help old ladies crossing the street. There was one time that I helped an old lady then after she thanked me right after crossing the street in a blink of an eye she disappeared or maybe its just my vivid imagination when I was young. I also helped this old man cross the street and he asked me from  what school I am studying and when I said University of the Philippines, he exclaimed "ah! that's why your good". Truth be told, I never consider myself good. I have always had my share of shame or atleast society's dictate push me to be the villain in the eyes of all my classmates from elementary until high school but I don't blame them, way back in those days I really didn't care much about my classmates, I only care to get high grades and please our professor. When everyone don't want to attend class, I will always stay in class. When everyone cheats in assignments I refused to cheat let alone share my answers to others. I was an outcast when I was young which somehow shadows the way I look at myself in the present... but I learn.

Adult world is not very different from the growing up years. We don't compete for grades but we compete for performance. I was a Valedictorian before and I pushed myself to be the sales manager of the year back in 2007. I always push myself forward and really don't care of anyone else except my parents until some Delilah came to my life. My values was contested so as my conviction on what is wrong and what is right. Deeper and deeper I dug a whole burying all the things, the thoughts that I hold once dear. I never realize the power of Delilah, I never realized how Cleopatra subdued Mark Anthony nor Romeo killed himself for his Juliet until I saw it happening to me and I can't blame anyone but myself for being vulnerable for such human emotions.

But I guess everything is but a journey. I don't know if these Delilah's are like snakes in the board game, who knows I think they can be ladders at times helping us to reach our goals in life. If only I was like a Noynoy Aquino or a Manny Pangilinan being able to sacrifice my admiration to such beautiful creations for the good of the country or a business empire, but I'm not like them. You cannot feel warmth of the cabinet nor scratch your balls in spreadsheets everytime. I guess like Shakespeare, Im inspired by Juliets of this world allowing a better flow of ink to blank paper thereby creating a masterpiece. I guess Im also like a Leonardo Da Vinci painting a Monalisa even not completing her eyebrows because of either time constraint or other preoccupations but such still becomes a perfect work of art. I do agree with Abraham Lincoln when he rose from the ranks from a lowly post to being the President of America because he was inspired by his love.

So when will the story ever end? Only in fairy tales do they end stories with happily ever after. In real life stories are usually ended tragic or with grief. I guess the story ends each day. For each new day is another story to be written and another journey of oneself to be realized. It is up to us how we end each story.

Oceans Apart

Sometimes there comes a time when you can't talk to anyone about any of your problems. It is as if no one understands. Even the people whom you thought you can give your life seems to leave you behind. It is the feeling of being abandoned that seems to suck the purpose out of my life.

I don't know if there is any self-help book, a Carnegie or a Napoleon Hill that can cure the loneliness I feel. The feeling of having lost everything. While I tried to put the pieces back together, while I try to re-build the foundation from scratch I suffer more mockery. With my hands I try to plant success. I sometimes cut these hands while pulling out weeds and it bleeds to the ground. Sometimes these hands are attacked by thousand ants but I don't feel a single bite. I am on to something big. Im establishing my purpose in life. Slowly planting each tree of success but there is still more to come. The road to success is still long and I can't be tired this early.

I was taught before by my Philosophy teacher that one can detach himself from his emotions. Actually this is what I often do when my heart is broken to thousand pieces. I try talking to my consciousness and letting myself be void of emotion. Emotions affects our thinking. It is like a poison that will sure get the better part of us should we let it. I refused to succumb to the poison of hopelessness, to these lonely feeling, to bitterness nor to hatred. I know that while I am breathing then I can still do something more than anyone thought possible. I know that problems and heartaches happen to strengthen me as a person and it will as long as I don't let go of my values.

My heart hurts and I dont know when I will recover but one thing is for sure, if this does not kill me which I think it wont, I am bound to be stronger. I am full of anger. I have tried controlling the demon inside me but somehow it is always trying to get out wanting to destroy or at the very least take revenge of everyone who have underestimated me, but then again my heart is a strong heart. My mind is more powerful than my emotion so I manage to keep performing and doing business.

I have stopped cursing people or situations. I just let people hurt me. In the process I know I am bound to be stronger. I will repay this hurt with kindness. I will be more compassionate to other people. I will turn anger into love. I know I can change my life.

Oceans apart... it is irrelevant according to my mind. I have asked my heart to stop beating for awhile... stop beating until you deserve to beat. Stop beating until the time that someone will say "hey you are useful" and "hey you are great". As long as people compare you to others, ignore them. You can never compare yourself to anyone but your past. You must overcome each temptation of self-pity and replace every angst with enthusiasm.

In the end we are the masters of our fate and the captain of our soul. Oceans apart... but with one constantly rowing towards his star, he will soon reach shore. A life without struggles, a life without darkness is a life not worth living. Struggles strengthen us like pressure to a diamond or the fire to a metal ore. We have to be burnt so we can see our true brilliance.

Definition of Craziness

Craziness is defined as doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.

I guess most of us are crazy with this definition. People who fall in love with the wrong person kept on believing that the love he feels is real. Doing business with the same business models that fail. Working for companies until all the life in him is sucked out. I guess we are all crazy at one point in our lives... We tend to believe in something which is never real but we just pretended that this is real to us. Well, this is very different from religion so we cannot liken craziness with subject on religion since faith, just like believing in having a life after death is something cultural... thus can not be said to be crazy... I guess.

While all of us are crazy at one point the fact is that we never recognize our craziness until it really hit us. Sometimes when it hit us we are really devastated or broken to the point that we cannot reconstruct even our own self-image, refusing to eat or just be happy with life. I guess what I'm trying to say is, its very difficult to know when you are already crazy or you are just being persistent.

My point is that I may not totally agree with the definition on craziness or am I already being crazy? For example, in love, if you really love someone and you kept on pushing in improving your self and showing the other person how much you love her is that persistence or craziness?

In businesses, if you fail a thousand times and never give up are you destined to succeed sooner or later. In work if you work hard for your company are bound to learn in the process and grow more in your career. While we ridicule people who never give up and called them crazy, sometimes we have to think that it was the craziness of Einstein that brought about the Theory of Relativity, craziness of people like Stephen Hawking that produces Quantum Physics or you have the classic craziness of Thomas Edison that created the first light bulb. If it weren't for the craziness of Lt. Sanders, will we ever have tasted KFC and all its finger looking goodness!

It is the crazy people that changes the world as we know it now. The normal people are just fixtures of time. It is the game setters of this world... the people who are called crazy that changes everything.

If falling in love is crazy... then call me the Craziest individual. I will never stop loving since it gives me meaning to life.

If doing business is crazy... then call me the craziest entrepreneur with the wildest ideas.

If working hard for the company is crazy... then I am guilty as charged but never lock me up in a mental institution instead free me up so I can join the others. For I was diagnosed that these craziness is viral and it is my dream to spread this disease and change the world.

Finding One's Purpose

Everything else in the world is temporary.
Change as always been said is the only thing that is constant.
Therefore, how do you set a purpose or will that purpose change in time?

First, purpose is define as one's mission in life. Natural science dictates that the basic goal of a human being to reproduce that is why aside from his sex organ one is also given good looks and sex appeal. But all animals even trees down to the tiniest microbe has this purpose. If our purpose is limited to the same purpose as one single micro organism where is the essence to that. If we will stop with our purpose being compared to a microbe. Perhaps this is one of the reason why in the Philippines I see a lot of people spreading like disease in the metro even if they can't feed or educate their offspring. The ratio of poor people not being able to help in nation building is getting bigger as the politicians in the country still fight against a simple reproductive health bill. Anyway, the point is that if reproduction is the only purpose in life then perhaps I will just hit on every woman I know regardless of social class or physical attributes and be the best donor of gene and make my ancestors DNA spread like fire all over the world. Probably that would be exciting or at some point intoxicating. Like being a Revilla of my own making or probably a King Solomon of modern times. But sadly, no matter how tempting that purpose maybe I refuse to allocate energy with such activity.

How about serving God? I have read the Purpose Driven Life and somehow it reminds me of the "Greatest Salesman in World" book written by Og Mandino. Both of these books I didn't finished since I have to read only 1 chapters a day and during that time I don't have that kind of discipline and I find it somewhat boring.  I guess serving God bring out the spiritual part of man. It gives man, as existentialist puts it, a deeper meaning. Now, this is a purpose that can't be compared to other trees and animals. I have yet to see a dog pray the rosary or the trees bow down and proclaim praises. I guess religion, "religare" in Greek, somehow really create that relationship between God and human. Everything seems to have meaning because of God. I'll try to avoid the discussion of religion since it is like the Law of Gravity. It is somethings that can't be challenged worst mocked. I'll just accept it simply as this fact, "all people regardless of race and color believe in something". Whether Buddha, Mohammad, Christ or that pastor always shouting in singing in Davao. The fact is it is human nature to desire to believe in something so let us leave it at that.

How about nation building. To be an inspiration to other people. To help build communities and develop one's economy. Is this a purpose worth contributing into. Is it possible that every man have that inner desire to help build a nation and it just takes a spark of anger or a sigh of inspiration to make each person start. Is it possible that regardless of our intent, whether it is money or social status, it is possible for men to find in himself that desire to establish nation. If your purpose in life is to be a Hero, will you accept it? Or you will just laugh it all out and ridicule that idea. But somehow, the world need heroes, not like what Marvel or DC offers. You don't need to be an Avenger or an X-Men to do good. I believe that each one have that inner desire a sort of messianic complex wanting to save someone or help out. Perhaps this is easily made visible through religion but what if it can be expressed in nature preservation or economic development, would that be a purpose worth pursuing.